PROS & CONS: Monster Trucks, Live By Night, Patriots Day, Sleepless, Bye Bye Man, Silence

A thoroughly unhelpful guide to this week's new releases:

-

MONSTER TRUCKS

PROS:

Makes lots of money on SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

Super value seats are still only ten bucks!

CONS:

Worse gas mileage than monster cars

-

LIVE BY NIGHT

PROS:

Rated PM-13

Well-received by critics. No, wait... the other thing... vampires.

CONS:

Less twists than Live By M. Night

-

PATRIOTS DAY

PROS:

Available in 4D thanks to Wahlberg's insistence that audience "feel the vibration"

Thankfully doesn't feature Gronk or Tom Brady... or Ben Affleck

CONS:

Slow pacing makes movie feel like a marathon

-

SLEEPLESS

PROS:

Not relegated to Seattle

Around-the-clock showings

CONS:

Theater concession stands don't sell Ambien

-

BYE BYE MAN

PROS:

Scariest movie since Ta Ta Fellow

Rotten Tomatoes doesn't give negative scores

CONS:

Dangerously close to being an NSYNC song

-

SILENCE

PROS:

Most of cast didn't murder Han Solo

Title screen reminds audience what to do with their cell phones

CONS:

Is golden... but not the Globes kind

-

Archive: http://www.unwrittenfools.org/p/pros.html


13 Replies

Add Reply
Add Reply