PROS & CONS: Monster Trucks, Live By Night, Patriots Day, Sleepless, Bye Bye Man, Silence

A thoroughly unhelpful guide to this week's new releases:

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MONSTER TRUCKS

PROS:

Makes lots of money on SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

Super value seats are still only ten bucks!

CONS:

Worse gas mileage than monster cars

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LIVE BY NIGHT

PROS:

Rated PM-13

Well-received by critics. No, wait... the other thing... vampires.

CONS:

Less twists than Live By M. Night

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PATRIOTS DAY

PROS:

Available in 4D thanks to Wahlberg's insistence that audience "feel the vibration"

Thankfully doesn't feature Gronk or Tom Brady... or Ben Affleck

CONS:

Slow pacing makes movie feel like a marathon

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SLEEPLESS

PROS:

Not relegated to Seattle

Around-the-clock showings

CONS:

Theater concession stands don't sell Ambien

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BYE BYE MAN

PROS:

Scariest movie since Ta Ta Fellow

Rotten Tomatoes doesn't give negative scores

CONS:

Dangerously close to being an NSYNC song

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SILENCE

PROS:

Most of cast didn't murder Han Solo

Title screen reminds audience what to do with their cell phones

CONS:

Is golden... but not the Globes kind

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Archive: http://www.unwrittenfools.org/p/pros.html


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  • Damn this was a masterpiece. Funniest one in awhile, maybe that I've read period. I actually laughed out loud at the first one

  • "Most of cast didn't murder Han Solo" -- HA HA HA HA! That's my favorite this week.

  • another gem nicely done

  • So no Ben Affleck joke in Live By Night

  • The ol' Ben and switch

  • I'm with Steve here. I'm a little saddened by the lack of Ben joke on the Ben movie.

  • Judging by reviews, the movie itself is a joke.

  • Hot take: there should be a comma in Bye Bye, Man

  • Ari: Or alternatively, the under-used hyphen?

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